Be A Good Girl, Kanaya
by The Indecent Nerd
Summary: Kanaya comes back from a 'Straight Camp' and claims to be cured! Rose Lalonde thinks this is utter bullshit.
1. Chapter 1

**Be A Good Girl, Kanaya**

**_One_**

Kanaya Maryam welcomed the nostalgia that came with being back in Meteor Hills, her hometown. She had only been gone a month and a half but it had seemed like an eternity. She suddenly felt happy and yet sad all at once as she accepted the familiarity of her surroundings. Meteor Hills was a small town with a population of roughly six hundred, and a good three hundred of them attended her high school. It was the sort of town that no one wanted to stay in it. It had one motel at the very edge of town, one movie theater that played only one film for nearly a month straight, a bakery, a church, a grocery store, and a diner. There were homes and people and neighbors and nothing ever changed.

Except Kanaya. Kanaya had changed significantly in the last month and a half. She wasn't 'sick' anymore. She was 'cured' now. She felt better about herself, or at least she thought she did. Her mother would definitely love her now, she was at least sure of that. She wished that her mother hadn't had to find out that way, to see her lips pressed against her childhood friend's own lips. She wished her mother hadn't screamed like she were being murdered. Kanaya wished she hadn't convinced Vriska's mother to send her to boarding school so that Kanaya would never see her again. She wished that her mother would just stop-

_Be a good girl, Kanaya_, she told herself. It was her calming mantra. Her advisors had told her, and the rest of her group, to adapt a phrase that they could think to themselves to calm themselves down and push negative and homosexual thoughts away. Kanaya had chosen her's with great ease. It was something said to her every day for as long as she could remember. Her mother chanted it like a prayer; conveniently enough, as she was the minister of the only Christian church in town. When she heard it, she always could just tune everything out and stop caring, and that was ideal when choosing her phrase.

Kanaya payed the bus fare and thanked the driver for driving this far. She hopped off the bus and carried her bags to the bench. Setting her luggage next to her, she took a seat on the bench and watched the world she knew inside of Meteor Hills. She wasn't too far from her own home, in the apartment above the church, but she wanted to wait for awhile. Her mother said she would pick her up, so she decided that it would be best to wait from her.

Not much had changed in the small Midwest town. Those who passed her by gave her a shocked look at first, then greeted her with a warm smile. Everyone looked the same. Some people's hair was shorter, some dyed theirs. Nothing drastic, though. And still, they regarded Kanaya with apprehension. What had her mother told them? Where did she tell them her daughter had gone for so long? Surely it couldn't be the truth; Kanaya Maryam had been sent to Straight Camp.

She looked at her watch and it was already an hour past when her mother said she would come and get her. She scoffed and gathered her luggage and began walking. She walked two blocks over and four blocks up to the small little book store. Kanaya had taken many books with her when she'd been sent away - all of the books on her shelf that she'd never read - and had finished them all. She would be in desperate need for literature when she finally reunited with her mother. She always had found solace within a written world.

She talked the small aisles and examined each row with a careful eye. She eventually spotted a saucy yet poorly written vampire romance novel. She was careful to make sure that the cover art wasn't revealing, lest her mother confiscate it from her. She placed it on the counter, only to meet eyes with a pair of beautiful brown eyes. They glimmered in the dim light and she thought she could see flecks of lavender in the eyes. The wondrous eyes belonged to an old classmate, Kanaya realized. Behind the counter sat a sadistic and sarcastic young woman by the name of Rose Lalonde. Her blond hair was cut short and hung closely to her cheeks and her bangs were held away from her eyes with a headband. Her soft lips were painted with black lipstick and her breasts looked perky and-

_Be a good girl, Kanaya_, she told herself and tried to remember everything she'd been taught. She kept her eyes on the other girl's eyes and she breathed slowly. She calmly detached all thoughts of attractiveness and focused on something she didn't like about the girl; which was her foul attitude.

"Kanaya Maryam," said Rose with a careful tongue. She was smirking, which confused Kanaya. "Still the same as ever, I see."

"Well, yes," said Kanaya shyly. "I've only been gone a month and a half."

Lalonde raised an eye brow and lifted one corner of her mouth into an even more sly smirk. "And just where did you go again?"

"I... I was at, uh," Kanaya swallowed hard. She had no idea what lies her mother had told. She couldn't say something and mess it all up. As much as she didn't want to admit it to herself, she didn't want anyone to know her whereabouts any more than her mother did. She was ashamed of herself. They told her she should be. Her mother told her she should be.

"Writing camp, wasn't it?" She replied coyly, and then followed her words with a wink. Kanaya gulped. "Look, I know the truth. You don't have to bullshit me."

"I'm not bullshitting you. May I please just purchase this novel and be on my way?" She tried to look away but she caught the lavender-flecked eyes once more. She couldn't help but smile softly to herself.

"You are. You spent your summer at a Straight Camp," Rose said nonchalantly. Kanaya opened her mouth to deny it but no words came out. She was tongue tied and confused. Rose could see the confusion on the taller girl's face and it made her laugh slightly. "Vriska told John Egbert, and he told me. Things travel quickly in small towns."

"I... Please don't say anything-"

"Calm down, Maryam. I'm not here to spread rumors. I just want the truth; this whole getting _cured_ is utter bullshit, am I right? You can't help who you love."

"It's not bullshit. Homosexuality is a disease and I have been cured," Kanaya said with as much diction she could manage. It was something repeated so many times in the last few weeks of her life. It was ingrained in her mind. And she believed. Right? She glanced down at the novel in her hand. That protagonist couldn't help but love a vampire, even if it were wrong in God's eyes. Why would that be any different for two girls?

_Be a good girl, Kanaya._

"So, I'm diseased?"

Kanaya's eyes widened. Rose was a lesbian? How had she never known? They hadn't truly ran in the same circles, and their friend's really ever interlinked. As far as she concerned, Rose was a total stranger. She took a deep breath, kept her eyes up, and focused on Lalonde's terrible attitude. She felt her mind clear nearly instantly.

"Yes," she said sadly. "Now, please let me pay for this book so I can leave."

Rose rolled her eyes and took the book from Kanaya's hands. Rose's fingers were soft and warm and Kanaya had difficulty pulling her attention away from them. She swallowed and paid Rose the allotted amount, handing her the money in a way that made sure that their hands did not touch. She took the book and clutched it to her chest. She tightened her grip on her luggage and made for the door. She could only ignore Rose's last words as she left for her own home.

"I'll get you to admit that it's bullshit, Kanaya. Believe me; _I will_."


	2. Chapter 2

**Two**

The housing space above the church was just the same as she'd left it. When her mother had finally become the minister, she and Kanaya's father bought and renovated the church, adding an apartment on the third level for the family to live. It was cozy enough for the family of four, but when Kanaya's father died, things grew less cozy. Porrim had grown more rebellious and her mother had grown colder; and Kanaya? She grew lonelier.

Porrim sat on the couch, staring at the wall with intense boredom and playing with her long hair. Her mother, Minister Dolorosa, was in the kitchen cooking some sort of welcome home dinner for Kanaya. She slammed the door as she came in and her mother turned on her heels with a big fake smile.

"Kanaya, darling! You're home!"

Kanaya didn't say anything. She just nodded and walked on. Porrim greeted her with a raised eyebrow and a curious smile, but she knew it was better not to say anything right now. Though she could be a total thorn in Kanaya's side, she loved and trusted her sister. They could talk about anything together. Kanaya took her luggage to her room in the back of the apartment and laid it on her bed. She then took her new book and put it in her nightstand drawer.

When she returned from her room, her mother was sitting at the kitchen table sipping from a cup of tea with dinner cooking behind. She smiled as warmly as she could at her daughter but Kanaya still could see traces of disgust in her eyes. It took all of her strength not to break down and cry right then and there. It was an awful thing to be hated by your only parent. Kanaya couldn't help it if she liked girls; but she got cured for that. Her mother should be proud, right? Kanaya tried her hardest to suppress her feelings.

_Be a good girl, Kanaya_.

She sat down on the couch with her sister, yet on the opposite end. Porrim nudged her with her foot. Kanaya smiled slightly in return but still didn't say much. They did have a conversation filled with meaningless small talk. Things like shoe shopping and what new books Porrim had heard about that might interest her sister. But the Straight Camp never came up. It was refreshing, sort of, until Kanaya noticed the devious glint in the older Maryam's eye that she always got before doing something completely off the hinges. It frightened her, but it also made her curious.

Finally, Dolorosa called for her girls to come eat dinner. She'd prepared an excellent meal of breaded chicken breasts and salad and mashed potatoes and an apple pie. It wasn't her mother's most expansive feast, but it was still more than Kanaya expected out of her. The three began to eat with Kanaya in the head seat, in-between either side that held her sister and her mother. She glanced over to see Porrim with an outlined grin dancing on her lips. It wasn't until halfway through their meal that Porrim finally spoke.

"So," she began casually, "Kanaya isn't a dyke anymore. Isn't that just _grand_, mother?"

Kanaya choked on her spoonful of mashed potatoes. When her coughing ceased and she looked up, she saw the fury in her mother's face. If she had been a cartoon character, steam would have been pouring out of her ears to the ring of a train whistle. Porrim was careful enough not to show any emotion at all. She kept her eyes calm and level, as if challenging her own mother. And she was. Kanaya had seen it happen a lot, but never like this. Her stunts usually involved self-rights, equal rights, animal rights, and women's rights- but never her own sister. She briefly wondered what happened between the two of them while she was away.

"You will _not_ use such language in a house of the lord," was all her mother had to say on the matter.

"We're _above_ the lord's house."

"It doesn't matter. You hold your devil's tongue, so help me."

"Or what?" Porrim giggled. "You'll send me off too? Imagine what people will say of the poor minister who can't control her children."

"I-" Kanaya's mother was cut off once again by her sister. The youngest girl could only watch with wide eyes as the events unfolded before her. She was frozen in fear. If she so much as moved, would she be next?

"There was absolutely nothing wrong with Kanaya, mom. She didn't need to be fixed or cured. Love is love, and I wouldn't have loved my sister any less. But you do, don't you?"

"Don't be absurd, Porrim," Dolorosa said as level as she could manage. The older sister only rolled her eyes and scoffed at the minister.

"It's true. You gave up on me. I'm a lost cause. So you mold Kanaya into your pet! It's sick, mother! Sick! You've got her well-mannered and smart. She gets good grades. She does what she's told. _She's a kind person_. And yet because she likes other girls, you can't even stand to look at her."

"That's not true!" Her mother slammed her fist down against the table, eyes glaring at her eldest daughter. She was seething with anger. Kanaya coughed and tried to break up the fight.

"Please, guys, just calm down... I'm all better now anyway. It doesn't matter," she said meekly. She smiled as warmly as possibly. "Now, let's enjoy my first night home, please?"

Neither so much as acknowledged her. She was overlooked yet again. Her sister laughed at her mother, mocking the holy woman. "Oh, really? You haven't said one concerned thing to her since she got home. You didn't ask how she feels. You didn't even notice that she has barely said one word to you? Did you even realize you forgot to pick her up from the bus station?"

Her mother's eyes got wide. She looked down at Kanaya who immediately looked down in her own lap. She wanted no part of this any more. She was always in the middle of their fights. And in one year Porrim would leave home for college, and then Kanaya would be on her own. She felt like screaming and crying for them to stop. Instead she remained coldly silent. _Be a good girl, Kanaya_.

"Stop using your sister as some sort of excuse to act like this. It's not like you care about her well-being. She's just another one of your _causes_, Porrim."

Porrim then looked at her sister. Kanaya could actually feel warmth in her gaze and it made her feel happier. "Actually, no. No she's not. She's my sister and I love her. Do you know what love is, mother? And when I leave here, she's coming with me. I'll make sure of it."

"That is completely ridiculous. It won't happen; not without my consent. I love my daughters- both of you. I only want what's best," Dolorosa took a long sip of her tea. "Now, go to your room. You're done for the night."

"I'll do you one better," Porrim spat and quickly moved away from the table. She grabbed her jacket from the couch and threw it on. She then came back over to her sister and leaned down and kissed her head. "You don't have to be who she wants you to be. I'm sorry I won't be here for you tonight but I'll be back in the morning, okay? We'll catch up then."

And then she stormed out. The air was dead with silence and her mother was on the verge of tears. "It's going to be okay, mom," Kanaya told her. She didn't know if it would be, but she was willing to lie if it stopped her from crying. Her mother may be cold as ice but she was still her only mother after all.

Dolorosa sighed and drank more of her tea. "Don't ever be like your sister, okay? Be a good girl, Kanaya."

Kanaya nodded sadly and moved her food around her plate. "I'm doing my best," she mumbled.


	3. Chapter 3

**Three**

Kanaya woke up the next day near late morning. She and her mother had finished dinner with minimal conversation. Dolorosa asked about her experience at Straight Camp and how she was feeling now. Kanaya didn't say much in return other than telling her mother of the extensive psychotherapy she went through and the techniques and such that they used to cure her of homosexuality. Dolorosa had been especially intruigued when Kanaya told her how they used the Lord's words to 'force the gay out of her.' After dinner, she went straight to her room and began reading. She'd stayed up almost until sunrise just reading her new novel. She was near finished with it now; only a few chapters to go.

She hit her alarm and sat up in her bed. She'd set the alarm sometime during the night. She knew she couldn't sleep the day away. Not today. Porrim still hadn't come home and there was absolutely no way that Kanaya wanted to be around her mother all day. Instead, she decided she would be visiting the Vantas household. She wanted to catch up with her best friend, as well as she knew that Porrim had stayed there the night before.

Kanaya dressed as quickly and quietly as she could manage. She settled for a girly t-shirt with a butterfly on it and skinny jeans. She hated the shirt with a passion, but her counselors had advised a more girl-appropriate wardrobe. She didn't like that advice, but if it made her mother happy, she would try it. When she was clothed and fixed her hair, she crept out of her room and into the hallway, slowly making her way to the living room. She then realized that her mother was not in the apartment. She had probably gone to run some errands, Kanaya presumed. She scribbled a short note and left the church.

She reached the residential part of Meteor Hills in under ten minutes, and reached Karkat's house before too long. As she stepped onto the white porch, the door swung open as if they'd been expecting her. Kanaya came eye to eye with her best friend's older brother, Kankri Vantas, who happened to be her sister's best friend. Kankri smiled, stuffing his hands in the pockets of his red sweatshirt. Kanaya nearly laughed; she'd never seen Kankri without the sweatshirt. Not since he'd gotten it about a year or two ago.

"Porrim is in the kitchen and Karkat's in his room," Kankri smiled wide. Kanaya smiled in return.

"Thank you," she said and ducked inside the house. She went straight for the stairs. She could see her sister later. She missed Karkat much more than she felt the need to see her sister. She climbed the stairs up to the second floor. Once she was in the hallway, she pushed away her jealous thoughts. She'd always been envious of those who lived in actual homes instead of small apartments above churches. She made for Karkat's room and strolled in as if she owned the place. She'd honestly spent more time here than in her actual room.

Karkat sat on his bed, wireless Xbox controller in hand and his eyes glued to the flat screen television across from him. He was clad only in his boxers, his hair and body glistening with sweat. His thumbs tapped furiously at the buttons and he vehemently murmured crude insults at the game. He only looked up for a split second. "You're back! How'd de-dyke-ification go?"

Kanaya rolled her eyes. _Be a good girl, Kanaya._ "Swell," she said flatly. "It would be even more swell if you'd put on some pants."

"No," he smirked. "It's too hot in here for pants. Besides, if you're not a lesbian any more, shouldn't you be jumping my bones or something?"

"There are a few things wrong with that, my friend. One; I was never a lesbian. I had some confusion. It's all sorted out now. Two; I still have some decency. And three; you're like family to me."

"Come on, I bet you like it weird." Karkat laughed as Kanaya frowned and crossed her arms. "I was only kidding, Kan."

"I realize that," Kanaya sighed. "Would you at least open the window? It might at least help with your sweating."

"Alright, _mom_," Karkat grumbled and got to his feet. He crossed his room over to his window and opened it, letting the breeze filter in. He shivered slightly, not having realized that he could have had the window open all along. He went to his closet and grabbed a pair of athletic shorts and a t-shirt and put them on.

"Thank you," Kanaya smiled a little.

"No, thank you. Seriously. Those two down there won't shut the hell up. Porrim stormed in here last night, talking about equal rights and marriage, and Kankri has something to say about every subject. If I had been here alone any longer, my ears might have started bleeding."

"Yeah, I'm really. She and my mom got into last night."

"I know. I was made well aware of it last night," he laughed a little. "I'm sorry your mom sent you away, Kanaya. I am-"

"No, it's fine," she quickly cut off her friend. If there was something Kanaya couldn't stand it was sympathy. She deserved everything she got. She shouldn't have had any of those thoughts to begin with. She should have never kissed Vriska, even if on a whim. She had been so sick in the head. Camp had helped her see that. She was glad she went. Wasn't she? She convinced herself she was. "I feel so much better now."

"Listen, I'm only going to say this once and then I'll drop it, okay?"

Kanaya gulped and looked down. "I suppose that's alright."

Karkat rubbed the back of his neck and half-smiled. "I wouldn't give two shits if you were a lesbian. Like, honestly, it would not effect my opinion or image of you at all. To be fair, I kind of thought you were this whole time. I didn't say anything because [i]I didn't care[/i]," he laughed slightly to himself. Kanaya couldn't help but giggle a little as well. "I just want you to be happy. And if a girl makes you happy, who the hell cares? If your mother can't accept that, then maybe she doesn't deserve to be a part of your life until she does."

Kanaya sniffled and suddenly hugged her friend. Karkat was surprised and didn't do anything for a moment but eventually eased into her hug. "Thanks, Karkat, but really, I'm all cured now. I'm happier this way." She pulled away with a smile outlining her lips. "Why wouldn't you care?"

"I think Kankri is gay, honestly," Karkat sighed. "I thought it for a year or two now. I even read through his journal - the fact that he keeps a journal was a clue - and he had some really meaningful things to say about Sollux's brother. I was upset for awhile but then I realized that if Kankri was gay, he'd still be the same guy. There'd be no change whatsoever, so I just stopped worrying about things like that. I know you say you're cured, and if you honestly believe that, I support you. I support you no matter what, dude."

"That's really sweet, Kar," Kanaya said, slowly starting to tuck her emotions away. She hated getting too whiny. She put away all thoughts about homosexuality and how it was okay; she wasn't gay so what did it matter to her any more. "So, what else is up?"

"Oh! Do you want to go with us when we go school shopping? School starts back up in like three weeks and we haven't gone yet, and I don't think you have either."

"Yeah, sure. It would actually be refreshing _not_ going with my mother. But Porrim has to come too. I need a girl to help with the whole clothing thing."

"I'm pretty sure Kankri invited her. Anyway, we're going next weekend," Karkat sat back down on his bed and picked up his controller and resumed his game. Kanaya shrugged and sat down next to him. The unlikely pair of friends began to take turns on the game but Kanaya eventually gave up on the game. She was horrible at video games; at least action and racing ones. The two eventually found a movie online that they'd never seen and watched it on Karkat's laptop.

The hours rolled by as if it were a car speeding down a highway. Day turned to night and laughs sprang up and died away, and all in all, Kanaya felt happy. She didn't feel like this at home. She felt more like a family at her best friend's house than she did at home. She wished desperately that she didn't have to leave and return to the care of her mother. Unfortunately, though, she did.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Author's**__**Note**_: So, I just wanted to take a second and thank all of you. Really. I don't think I've had so many reviews on this website, not even on my old account. Also, so many encouraging words and dedicated readers! If any of you are artists, it'd be great to see some fan-art (hehehe totally kidding, unless you actually wanna do that). Oh, and to a guest reviewer who said that they drabbled this story; the link wouldn't work. I'd really love to read it! All in all, this is dedicated to a friend of mine who constantly urges me on this story. Without her, I'm not sure how quickly these updates would come. Now, for chapter four!

**Four**

The following weekend crept up much faster than Kanaya had anticipated and she was glad for it. Afternoons and evenings spent with her mother and sister had suddenly become as quiet as they had been before she left, but these silences were riddled with unvoiced questions and assumptions. Such as, Kanaya assumed that her mother was happy with her curing. She had to be. And she knew Porrim had many questions about her experience but she withheld in fear of upsetting her mother or sister.

Kanaya was seriously ecstatic when she and Porrim made their way to the Vantas house that Saturday morning. Kanaya had taken some of her savings with her and their mother had given each of the girls a little bit of cash so they could get some more clothes. Karkat and Kankri met the sisters outside the house and they began loading in the minivan right away. Kankri and Porrim sat in the middle section and Karkat and Kanaya took the backseat. Mr. Vantas started the van and they were on their way.

Unfortunately, the car ride was not something that Kanaya enjoyed very much. It wasn't that she didn't enjoy herself, it was more of the fact that she wasn't used to it. The entire ride was filled with chatter, whereas she was accustomed to dead silence most of the time. Mr. Vantas was a politician or something and worked very closely to the mayor of Meteor Falls. He talked the entire time about his job, though Kanaya didn't blame him; everyone loved the mayor. Kankri had lot to contribute to the political topics, as did her sister. Karkat was constantly telling them to shut up. Kanaya just sat quietly and watched out the window.

The reached the nearest big city, Skaia, in about an hour and a half and not long after they pulled into the parking lot of the S.G.R.U.B. Mall. At that point, the family completely split off. Mr. Vantas told them to meet him by the fountain at the middle of the mall at around five o'clock. They agreed and split up. At first Karkat and Kanaya hit the book store. She searched for more trashy vampire novels - as she'd already finished the one she bought at the beginning of the week - while Karkat looked through the graphic novels and comic books. In the end, Kanaya left with the first four books of a shoddy vampire romance series and Karkat bought two or three comic books.

In retrospect she thought about why she'd bought that many at once and could only chalk it up to wanting avoid her hometown bookstore. More so, she wanted to avoid Rose Lalonde and her scrutiny. And her determined eyes and conviction and her excellent vocabulary- _Be a good girl, Kanaya_. She sighed and continued walking around with her friend. Eventually she came across Porrim and the two sisters left the brothers so that they could go clothes shopping.

After Porrim went to store after store, dragging Kanaya along to each one, she finally let her sister pick out a store. Kanaya eventually found a small boutique that had girly clothes that weren't totally unbearable. It had lots of v-necks and skinny jeans but had rarely any floral or butterfly patterns on the clothing. Plus, the whole store smelled of vanilla. Kanaya liked it.

It didn't take long for Kanaya to find some clothes she liked; a few shirts and jeans. Even two skirts and a pair of flats. Porrim even supported all of her clothing choices, being a fashion snob herself. They were both very dedicated to fashion, but they had very different views and tastes. However, despite their differences in the fashion world, it didn't take long for Porrim to find the dresses, pick out a few, and beg her younger sister to try them on.

Grudgingly, Kanaya took the dresses in her hand and took them to the back of the store and into a hallway with four changing rooms. She tried on three dresses but didn't like any of them. The fourth and last dress, however, struck a cord with her. She looked herself over in the mirror for a long moment. It was a long red dress with a leafed pattern on it and a black belt tightened around her middle. Kanaya couldn't help but imagine long red gloves to go with it. She stepped out of the dressing room to go show her sister who was still browsing in the main part of the store, but a familiar voice stopped her dead in her tracks.

"I like it," said the voice, "Very elegant."

The Maryam girl twirled around and met eyes with Rose Lalonde, who had also been trying on clothes. Kanaya gulped, trying to move past her confusion. Why was Rose here? She then calmed down and realized that most of the kids of Meteor Falls do their shopping in Skaia. It was a coincidence, but still, Kanaya didn't appreciate it. She didn't say anything in return but started to leave.

"Wait! Why are you being so rude?"

Kanaya frowned. "I'm not being rude. I am avoiding a situation that I don't care very much to be in. You're just going to say something crude, so I am avoiding it altogether."

"I just believe that you've convinced yourself that you're cured just to make everyone else happy. I think it's bullshit."

"And I think you should respect other people's choices," Kanaya said promptly. "Now, goodbye."

Kanaya started to leave and she could tell that Lalonde was searching for something to say. And then it happened. "The dress makes you look like a dyke."

Kanaya turned around and tried her best not to cry. Rose didn't look very pleased with herself but she'd gauged a reaction, which is what she'd wanted. Kanaya glared. "What the hell do you want from me?"

"I want you to admit it's not real. That you're just forcing yourself."

"I won't admit that because it's a lie. I was cured. Maybe you should seek some treatment yourself," Kanaya mumbled bitterly. Rose's mouth fell open and Kanaya mentally scolded herself. This wasn't her. She wasn't like this. She wasn't mean to others and she definitely never got into arguments such as this one.

"I don't know why you deny yourself. Being gay isn't some terrible disease. It's honestly natural and it's okay," Rose tried to argue but Kanaya wouldn't have it. Who was she to tell Kanaya what was wrong and right? She had no right to say such a thing. Kanaya had her own opinions and they shouldn't matter to the blond at all.

"To you, perhaps. It's not okay to me. I didn't want to be that, so I fixed it. And _that's_ okay. It's okay if you're a lesbian, Rose. But I'm not. So, if you would be so kind, please drop it," Kanaya had summoned all of her strength just to say that. She was trembling the entire time. She wanted to break down but she wouldn't let her classmate see that. Why was she so determined to get this out of Kanaya? Why should it even matter?

"No. I told you; I'll get the truth no matter what."

_Be a good girl, Kanaya_, she told herself and tried not to say anything in return. Kanaya stayed silent and turned back around and locked the dressing room door behind her. She soon heard Rose do the same. She changed as quickly as she could and folded the dresses over her arms. She then stormed out and frantically went through the store and put the dresses back. She decided to keep the red one though, on a whim. She quickly found her sister, tears streaming down her face.

"Kan! What's wrong? What's going on?" Porrim grabbed her shoulders and tried to hug her sister. Kanaya only pulled away.

"Nothing, let's just pay and go." Kanaya wiped her eyes. "I just want to go home."

Porrim eventually was able to hug her and conformed to Kanaya's demand. The sister's payed for her new clothes and left the boutique. They didn't leave right away of course, because Kanaya knew how rude that would be to the Vantas's. She and Porrim bought themselves smoothies and sat at a table while Kanaya calmed down. They resumed shopping eventually but only one thing was going through Kanaya's mind; she didn't want school to start. She hated Rose Lalonde.


	5. Chapter 5

_**AN:**_This isn't exactly what I had planned. But I realized that by going along with that idea, it would have been odd because of the timing in the story, so I think it could be in the next chapter. I'm not exactly happy with this chapter, but thanks for all of the support so far!

**Five**

The first day of school always reminded Kanaya of funerals. It was an awful thing; people were dressed nicely for some odd reason, you met people you haven't seen in a rather long time, and there are a lot of unnecessary hysterics. Kanaya nearly laughed everytime a pair of friends were clutched to each other with tears in their eyes, though they'd probably seen each other the week before. However, when she found her own little circle of friends, they were doing the same thing. Terezi was clinging to Karkat, trying to draw in his scent. Nepeta and Tavros shared a hug while Equius stood closely by. As Kanaya aproached, Terezi turned to her and grinned.

"Oh, Kanaya, how I missed that gray face of yours," she beamed.

"Everyone's face is gray to you, Terezi, I don't see why you missed mine." Kanaya felt herself blush at the colorblind girl. Terezi shrugged and gave Kanaya a rather tight hug anyway. She felt awkward but hugged back anyway.

"Did you hear about Vriska?" Terezi frowned. Vriska had been just as much her friend as she'd been Kanaya's. "She moved to a boarding school about five hours from here."

Kanaya scratched the back of her neck and looked at her shoes. She felt guilty suddenly and she felt it deep down in her core. It was as if a pit in her stomach had opened and nothing but disgusting feelings flooded out of it and liquidated her whole body. If she hadn't kissed her - if she hadn't gotten caught - Kanaya's mother wouldn't persuaded Vriska's mother to send her away. It was all her fault and she hated herself for it. Vriska had many friends here and was forced away because of Kanaya.

_Be a good girl, Kanaya_, she thought to herself, trying to calm herself down.

Karkat saw how anxious she'd become, and knowing why, he decided to step in. "So, what all classes do we have together?"

Terezi laughed. "Yes, I did check that all out for us. Nepeta and Eq here have practically rigged their schedules. They have six classes together. Tav and I have three together. Karkat, Tav, and me all have math together. Kanaya and Karkat have P.E. and history together. Kanaya also has English with Equius."

"That's, uh, it? That's all we have?" Tavros asked quietly, a sad look on his face. Kanaya was definitely was saddened too but she felt happy that she at least had P.E. with her best friend. She hated athleticism and was glad to have someone to talk to during the class. She wasn't all too close with Equius but she looked forward to having English with him.

Eventually the bell rang and the group went their separate ways. All in all, Kanaya didn't hate it all that much. It was a slow day, but no one even asked about her time at 'writing camp.' In fact, most people usually didn't talk to her. And when they did, it usually started with 'You're Porrim's little sister, right?' She hoped she wouldn't hear that question at all next year when she was a senior. Her sister would be gone and it would finally be her time to be not be compared to her.

It wasn't until the class before lunch that things began to turn sour for Kanaya. It was her Literature class, which was an extra English class she opted to take where it challenged her to read both modern and classic novels and identify and write about the way the styles and messages could overlap or differ. When she entered the room, she saw that there were several circle tables with other students in their seats. Each table had three or for names taped to the table, dictating where each student would sit. When she found her name, her heart sank. Two other names were at her table; Vriska Serket and Rose Lalonde.

"Ma'am?" Kanaya said loudly enough for the teacher to hear her.

"Yes?"

"I would just like you to know that Vriska Serket doesn't go to this school. Not this year, anyway."

Rose Lalonde sauntered in the class shortly before the bell rang and took her seat as the bell sounded. She looked pretty pleased with herself having to sit next to Kanaya. Kanaya, however, couldn't have been more heartbroken. The teacher nodded at Kanaya.

"Thank you for notifying me, but class has now begun. Take a seat," she replied with a friendly smile. Kanaya sat down with a gulp and quietly repeated her mantra to herself over and over. The teacher smiled at her students. "Welcome to my Literature class. Before we get started, look at your table-mates. I have put you into groups that will work on every major assignment together. This class will not only test your English skills but also your teamwork skills as well. So, be prepared to work with these other students nearly every day."

Kanaya's eyes went wide as she looked over at Rose. Lalonde didn't seem to care one way or the other, but she did look like she was taking some enjoyment in Kanaya's dismay. The teacher came to their table and smiled a little. "I had planned on Vriska actually being in this school, so I guess you will have to be a group of two. I've hear great things about both of you from your past English teachers. I'm sure you'll be a great team."

Rose beamed in response. "I'm sure we will be."

The rest of the class seemed to drag on for Kanaya, though she was happy that there wasn't really much work to do. It was merely an introduction and reading of the syllabus. Things were almost okay until her gym class after lunch. She'd actually been looking forward to spending time with Karkat but when she and the other girls gathered in the locker room to be assigned lockers, she saw Rose Lalonde right across the room from her locker. She felt nearly sick. Lalonde could easily keep tabs on Maryam most of the time, and in the most inconvenient times for her.

_Be a good girl, Kanaya_.

"Looks like we'll be spending a lot of time together this semester," Rose flashed the other girl a grin. Kanaya sighed and nodded, not having the energy to even fight with the headstrong girl. She calmly put her gym clothes away and closed the locker, locking it before turning and leaving. She found Karkat in the gym and he came over to her immediately.

"Why are you crying, Kanaya?" He asked in a concerned tone. Her hand immediately went for her cheeks. There were tears there. She hadn't even noticed she'd began to cry. She sniffled and wiped them away.

"I just don't even want to be here anymore. I'm done with this place already," she said as calmly as she could manage. _Be a good girl, Kanaya_, she told herself but it didn't help her at all. She was still crying. Karkat hugged her and rubbed her back.

"Shhhh, it's only the first day."

Kanaya spied Rose finally coming out of the locker room and she felt her stomach turn. "I know," she said under her breath.


	6. Chapter 6

_**AN:**_This chapter is really short, and I appologize. Next chapter will probably be much more dramatic. Trust me on that one. Also, thank you to all my readers, and especially to the reviewers; you guys rock! Thanks for liking something this dumb so much xD

**Six**

The following weeks came with little event in Kanaya's life, or rather, very few heated conversations with Rose Lalonde. There were a few remarks uttered under Lalonde's breath but Kanaya kept her cool and stayed quiet. Rose either grew bored or was plotting, she eventually decided. However, as she woke on the fourth Friday since school had started, she could feel a strange and ominous feeling. Something bad would happen today, she knew it.

Although she could feel a horrible cloud hanging over her head, Kanaya had never been one to miss school or give into the challenges that life brought her way. She held her head up and persevered. School was a horrid haze of hormones and idiots but still Kanaya pushed on. Lunch was the only solace that she seemed to find but even then it didn't take long for that to be ruined.

"She's pretty much staring at you," Karkat grumbled as he leaned over to his friend. She shivered because she'd suspected as such; she could feel Rose's eyes on her back the entire time but she just wasn't sure.

"I hate her," Kanaya muttered sadly. She'd never truly hated anyone before. Not even her commanding and judgmental mother. Rose brought a grimness to her heart that she couldn't escape from. All she wanted was to live a normal life and Rose was making that next to impossible.

"Do you think she'd lay off if you just told her it was bullshit? Even as a lie, just to get her off your back?" Karkat suggested with a soft smile. Maryam considered this for a moment. It wasn't a completely foolish idea. Kanaya wasn't a fan of dishonesty but she knew that if Rose laid off, then she could finally feel pressure free.

"I don't know. Perhaps," Kanaya said. "I just don't think I feel like speaking to her at all."

"I guess I just don't see why this is so important to her," Karkat replied. "I can't see how it makes one bit of a damn difference if you are or not. If you are, what is she going to do? Throw a goddamn parade?"

"Well she won't have to, since I am not a lesbian," she said curtly.

"I know, I was just saying. Lighten up a little."

Kanaya glanced over at Rose, who smirked as their eyes met. Kanaya shivered. "I can't. Not with her on my case like this."

Conversation soon faded into as much normalcy as one can manage while chatting with Karkat Vantas. After lunch, the duo headed to the gym and parted ways as they went for their respective locker rooms. The room itself smelled of sweat and of perfume meant to mask such an odor. It was a terrible smell that made Kanaya cough. The locker room itself wasn't any better. It was a small square space with lines filled with small lockers, and girls crowding around, changing.

There were many girls, more than Kanaya was comfortable with. She hated changing out for gym class. It made her feel self-conscious and sad. Normal girls giggled away about their week end plans and their boyfriend troubles, and even how cute one another's bras and underwear were on each other. Kanaya found this to be both a terrifying and unusual activity.

It wasn't until Rose Lalonde entered the locker room that Kanaya was able to think of something else for a moment. She kept her eyes on the exit door and began to change, also while thinking about what Karkat said earlier in the day. If she just told the other girl that she was right, she would leave Kanaya alone. It wouldn't be as gratifying to her sense of pride, but she'd be happier with the space in the long run, wouldn't she? She sighed and slipped on her shirt and shorts and then put her clothes in her locker.

It was then that she felt Rose's eyes on her again. She caught her gaze and watched as the blond raised a curious eyebrow. Kanaya was confused deeply by this and returned her gaze to the door again; only to see what exactly Rose was questioning. As she'd stared at the door, she hadn't even realized that Feferi Peixes had come beside her and began to change. To anyone else - certainly Rose had noticed - it would look as if Kanaya had been watching Feferi changed. Kanaya turned back to Rose with a panicked look but the younger girl was already leaving the room, giggling all the while.

Kanaya broke into a dead sprint for the exit and left the locker room. She caught up with Rose quickly in the corridor that lead into the gymnasium. She gripped Lalonde's shoulder and pulled her to the side. She took a deep breath before explaining. "I was staring at the door, I swear it."

"Oh, _sure_."

"I really was."

"You don't have to lie, Kanaya," Rose grinned eagerly. "I mean, Feferi does have a nice body. I just didn't think you'd do something like this at _school _of all places."

"I wasn't looking!" Kanaya pleaded with tears beginning to form in the corners of her eyes. _Be a good girl, Kanaya_, she chanted in her head but once again, her mantra was failing her. She hated herself, and furthermore, she _loathed_ Rose. She had no right to do this to her; to hassle her and make assumptions and conclusions that were false. She silently damned her.

"Calm down, Maryam. I was only teasing."

"I... I-"

"Forget about it, Kanaya. But don't worry, I plan on getting what I want out of you." And just like that, Rose was gone, and so was any hopeful feeling that Kanaya had about the entire situation.


	7. Chapter 7

**Seven**

"Something troubling you, Kan?"

Kanaya lifted her eyes from the dashboard and to her sister in the driver's seat. She normally walked to school but for some reason today, she just couldn't bring herself to do it. That was the case with most things these days. She felt an enormous weight on her shoulders; it was uncomfortable and she couldn't shake it off. She could only accept it and let it wear her out. Of course, this weight was result of Rose Lalonde's devious antics. She'd only teased Kanaya here and there in the few weeks that followed the locker room incident, but it still made Kanaya feel incredibly meek and depressed.

"Just tired, Porrim. I didn't sleep well."

Porrim analyzed her younger sister. She knew all too well that she was lying, but Kanaya knew that Porrim wouldn't pry. "If it gets to be too much, you can tell me what's bothering you."

"Thank you," she whispered gratefully.

The day passed by in a blur as usual for Kanaya. Even her conversations with Terezi and Karkat were found to be monotonous and tedious. She didn't have much to say these days, or rather she didn't have the effort to say anything. They were great about it though. They smiled to her and told her that things would soon look up for her, and that they loved her. She appreciated that greatly.

In her Literature class, things seemed to get even worse. Her teacher assigned their first big project. She'd had Rose and Kanaya work together before, but nothing they couldn't finish in a class period. But this project was something big that would take about two to three weeks and would require out-of-class work to finish on time and with a good grade. It was something to do with Literature and it's elements and how it has evolved but on a much larger scale, which they had to write a paper for and complete several other smaller projects to hand it all at one time. Thus indicating that Maryam would soon be spending a lot more time with the blond girl.

Rose scooted her chair closer while examining the requirement sheet. Kanaya quietly flinched. "I won't bite, Maryam," Rose snarked.

"I don't know what you're capable of, Lalonde," she whispered. Rose just glared in return. "Can we please just get to work? I want this done."

"Whatever you say, lesbo," she spat under her breath.

_Be a good girl, Kanaya._ She bit her tongue and tried her best to work. She looked over all the passages in her book that she could find to help her with the project. However, as she tried to read, the words just floated around the page and her vision became red with fury. She fought back her sudden urge to growl and erupt in anger.

"What is your problem, Rose? Why can't you just let me live my own life the way _I_ want to? Why does it even matter to you?"

And then she saw something in her peer's eyes. A flash of something she just couldn't understand. Longing or perhaps jealousy, or maybe even flat out resentment. But in that moment Kanaya saw Rose as something she'd never seen her as before; weak and human.

"You shouldn't deny who you are inside."

"Did you ever think that I honestly believe in this?"

"Yes," she said venomously, "And it's bullshit."

"Well there's nothing you can do about it," Kanaya argued.

Rose stared back with a blank stare and a devious smirk. "We'll see about that."

Before Kanaya could rebuttal, the bell rang. Bodies stood, feet shuffled, and before she knew it she'd lost sight of Rose. A sudden panic washed over the pale girl and she felt as if she couldn't breathe. She tried repeating her mantra to herself but it did little to soothe her. Only one thought was running through her crowded brain was; _Karkat. I need Karkat_.

She began to run out of the classroom, books in hand and eyes searching the endless stream of faces. Not one of them were Karkat. She stopped off at her locker and quickly ditched her books and began her search again. She realized that lunch had begun and knowing her best friend, he'd already be in the cafeteria. She sprinted through the halls and to the cafeteria. It only took seconds before her friends called out to her.

"Kanaya! Over here!"

She found her group seated at a circle table in to the far side of the room. They greeted her with smiles and then carried on with their conversations; all except for Karkat, who saw how distraught Kanaya looked. She was a sweaty and desperate mess, which were all things he'd never seen her be before. His eyes were filled to the brim with concern.

"What's going on?"

"Rose!" She whispered, trying her best not to cry. "She's planning something. I don't know what but when I spoke to her, she had this look-" Kanaya cut herself off as she saw Rose Lalonde near the front of the room. Her face was set forward and she radiated mischief and determination.

"What is she doing?" Karkat asked quietly, a tremble to his voice as well.

"I have no idea," Kanaya answered, covering her mouth in anticipation.

Rose climbed to the top of the table, standing in the center of the rectangle. Heads flew towards her immediately. Her eyes came to rest on Maryam and another devilish grin crossed her lips. She took a deep breath and called out to the entire student population to gain their attention. Any eyes that weren't on her before now looked up at her with curiosity. She sighed and fixed her stance. She shouted one thing, got off the table, and was on her way. But the words that flew out of her mouth put Kanaya in utter shock as every pair of eyes suddenly found their way to her face.

"Kanaya Maryam is a _lesbian_!"

She remained blank faced but her mouth fell open to speak. She could feel her breathing pick up and her heart beat faster. Everything was quiet. So, so quiet, and it was killing her inside. She knew she couldn't cry or run away; everyone would think what Rose had said was true. She couldn't just stand there in motionless shock either. Karkat growled low in his throat.

"What are all you fuckasses looking at?! Kanaya isn't a lesbian!"

He took her by the waist and pulled her to him. In an instance, his lips were on hers in a desperate attempt to save her. She was surprised at first but then was suddenly grateful. She felt herself release the pent up tears. Kanaya hugged Karkat as they pulled their lips away from each other. She shifted her eyes around and found that only a few people were still watching and she felt relieved deep in her core. Karkat leaned in to her Kanaya's ear.

"I am so sorry for that, Kanaya," he pleaded.

"No, I'm happy you did it. You are the best friend anyone could ever ask for." She hugged harder and then they parted and ate their lunches. Things didn't go as she'd planned but Karkat had saved her in a truly compromising position. She knew she'd have to thank him some how, but that could wait another day. The only thing on her mind now was not avoiding or getting revenge on Lalonde. It was to understand her.


	8. Chapter 8

**Eight**

It was incredibly easy for Kanaya to ignore Rose after that. While she wanted to understand the girl, she couldn't bring herself to even look at her yet. In her classes, she always did her share of the work silently and effectively, never helping Lalonde. She didn't care if her grades would suffer as a result. She was angry and depressed all at once. She couldn't understand why anyone would do something like that. It was ridiculous and uncalled for.

Rose Lalonde was a deadly toxin; a snake who's poisonous bite couldn't be counteracted. Her stunt had shocked many in their school, but it was Karkat's kiss that saved her from ridicule and hateful eyes. Because of the incident many had come to her, sympathizing with her, admitting the scorn they had always harbored for Rose. That's when Kanaya could feel something other than hate for Lalonde. She felt sorry for her as well.

It was two days before their project was due and their overall progress was minimal at best. They still had several things to complete and neither wanted a bad grade to start off the semester. As much as Kanaya didn't want it to happen, it had to; Rose had to come over to her house if they were to finish their project on time. As the bell rang and the other got up to leave, Kanaya caught her arm.

"You are to be at my house at six o'clock. We will finish this project. Bring whatever it is that you need."

Rose looked at Kanaya for a moment, her eyes clouded with confusion. She looked almost sad. Guilty, almost, if Kanaya didn't know any better. Is it possible that Lalonde could be feeling conflicted about her actions? It had turned most everyone against her, leaving her without someone to turn to. Though she was the victim in the incident, she pitied the girl.

"I won't be late," she promised.

She was, though, by four minutes and thirteen seconds. She paid the price for her tardiness, much to both their dismay. When the doorbell rang at precisely six o' four and thirteen seconds after, it was Porrim who answered the door instead of Kanaya who was tidying her room. To an even greater misfortune, she'd forgotten to tell her sister that Rose was coming over. From her bedroom Kanaya heard a grunt and then a slam, followed by yelling. Panicked and worried, she ran from her room to find the two in the hallway.

"What the _hell_ are you doing here?" Porrim yelled at the underclassmen. Rose was pressed up against the wall with her face unmoving, her breathing as calm as could be. She didn't seem scared at all even though Kanaya was outright terrified of the situation. It was until she saw Rose's fingers digging themselves into her palms that Kanaya realized that she was faking her bravado.

"I was invited."

"Don't make me laugh," Porrim said, words like poison dripping from fangs. Rose's eyes flickered for a moment but she bit her tongue. "You have no right to be here. Not after what you did to my sister. At school, I may not be able to protect her but you can bet your _ass_ that I will protect her here. Now leave before I change my mind about not hurting you."

"Porrim, it's fine. She truly was invited here," Kanaya finally said, summoning the courage to step in. She breathed deep and chanted her mantra in her head. Porrim's head snapped in her direction, her anger still deeply rooted in her eyes. Rose looked her direction to with a grateful smirk.

"Why would you invite her here after what happened?" Her sister yelled, clearly dumbfound. She was disappointed in Kanaya for making such a horrible choice. All of her life, she and Porrim had ever really yelled at each other. The thought of it now made her want to cry. But she couldn't. She would not let Rose see her cry. Ever.

"It's for a school project. Trust me, this is inconvenient for me as well," Kanaya turned to Rose and smiled out of habit rather than desire and said, "The faster we do this, the sooner you can leave."

Porrim sighed and stepped away from Rose. Rose brushed her hands against her clothes as if she were dusting off dirt and then followed Kanaya into her bedroom. She shut the door after the blond entered and brought out their materials, spreading out everything across the floor. She went ahead and sorted out what they had done and what they didn't, which wasn't all that much. It was just time-consuming things. Rose paced while she waited, examining Kanaya's rather full bookshelf.

"Thank you," she said after a long while.

"For what exactly?" Kanaya was slightly confused.

"Saving me."

"It was just Porrim. It wasn't like she would actually hurt you," Kanaya said. She almost wanted to laugh. Though she knew what she said to be true, she'd never seen her sister that upset; not even at their mother. And even though she knew that Rose would never admit it, she had been scared of her.

"You didn't have to though. I wouldn't have blamed you, Kanaya," Rose looked down at the long row of novels and sighed. Kanaya glanced down at the floor, suddenly feeling even worse than before. She took a deep breath. _Be a good girl, Kanaya_.

"I'll be honest; I'm not happy about what you did. I don't understand why it's such a big deal if I like girls or not."

"I just... I don't see why you get to be cured when the rest of try and accept the way we are. I don't want you to feel like there's something wrong with you, Kanaya, because there's not. I just went down the wrong path while trying to show you."

Rose wouldn't turn around but Kanaya could see the way she was breathing by the movement of her shoulders. She was taking deep breaths and trying to remain calm. Kanaya sat with her legs crossed and her hands together in her lap. She stared at them as she ran one thumb over the other. She was very conflicted. No matter the motive, Rose's actions were not forgivable. But she could also see where she was coming from. If it weren't for her mother, Kanaya might not even try as hard to force herself to believe she'd been cured. _But I am cured_, she told herself sadly.

"You have a lot of books," Rose said after a minute of silence.

"I read a lot," Kanaya replied quietly.

"Vampire smut?" Kanaya immediately blushed, hiding her head in her hands. She'd nearly forgotten that it wasn't a very typical genre to have upon one's book shelf. She felt so embarrassed. She heard Rose sharply inhale. "You've read the _Sharp Pains_ series? It's my favorite vampire romance saga."

"Yes. I've read them all. Four times each. They are the most horrible novels ever written but I can't get enough." Rose giggled. It wasn't high pitched, nor did it go on for too long. But it was cute. Really cute. Maryam swallowed hard. _Be a good girl, Kanaya_.

"Perhaps we should get to work before your sister comes back and kills me for not doing enough on our project?"

"She's not going to kill you. That's just how sisters are. Do you have any siblings?"

"I might as well," Rose replied bitterly as she joined Kanaya on the floor. She pulled out her text book and her half of the project materials and began laying them out. "My mother acts like she's my age."

"My mother acts like she's twice her own age. At least yours accepts you for whatever you want to be."

"I'm not so sure she's not doing it for some passive aggressive reason. Either way, we don't talk much. The only time I really see her is when she's passed out drunk on the couch." Kanaya smiled sadly at Rose, trying to make her feel better without saying anything. She didn't know what to say. But Rose looked as if she regretted saying anything. It was easy to see that she wasn't someone who liked when others felt sorry for her. "Let's get to work."

Kanaya sighed and nodded. "Let's."


	9. Chapter 9

**Nine**

With one day left on the project and still a considerable - but manageable - amount of work to do, Kanaya and Rose decided to meet again the following afternoon. However, it would turn out that Rose had to mind the book store for a few hours after school. Kanaya had nearly forgotten that the other girl was employed but agreed to meet her there nonetheless. The book store wouldn't have too much traffic; it was possible that no one would show up at all, so they were free to concentrate on their work.

It wasn't until about seven 'o clock that a familiar face entered the shop. Kanaya smiled at the youngest Serket as she walked by but she could sense that she was deliberately ignored. Reducing it to Aranea's own personal problems that she'd rather not be involved with, she turned back to her work with Rose. They were nearly finished. They were on the last assignment and everything and Kanaya was pretty confident in the quality of their work.

By the time that they finished their work, Aranea finally made her way to the front desk. She wore a blue button-up and a skirt. Her glasses were even rimmed with blue. Kanaya smiled at her again, but this time out of sadness. Aranea was a dead-ringer for Vriska, and it hurt Kanaya to think about it. She missed Vriska a lot - more than she'd be willing to admit - and was ashamed that she'd been sent away because of her foolish actions.

Aranea scowled, looked Rose in the eyes, motioned to Kanaya and said, "Be careful. She'll have you sent away if you guys get too close."

All of the sudden, Maryam's heart sank, even before she could process the statement. There was so much anger in Aranea's voice. She could feel the resentment rolling off of her as if it were falling off in waves of thick fog that rapped around Kanaya's body and choked the happiness from her. Rose said nothing for a moment. She scanned the book and then surprising the other two girls, slammed it down against the counter. The noise rang loud in her ears, causing Kanaya to quickly search Rose's eyes. She seemed to be furious.

"Don't talk about things you know nothing about, Serket," Rose said in a level voice. Aranea rolled her eyes.

"You and I _both_ know what she did. She acted out her weird _lesbian_ fantasies on my sister and so my mother had to send her away."

Kanaya sat very still and moved her eyes to the floor. She took a deep breath but the exhale would not surface. She felt sick to her stomach; her insides were doing summersaults and her head began to ache ferociously. She didn't feel sad though. She felt empty and alone. _Be a good girl, Kanaya. Be a good girl, Kanaya. Be a good girl, Kanaya._ She chanted this a thousand times in her mind but it didn't do anything to cure the widening pit in her emotions.

"I don't believe you all the facts, Aranea. So, instead of blaming Kanaya, just leave her alone. There's no reason to be hostile."

Aranea scoffed and took out her wallet, handing Rose the money for the book displayed on the cash register screen. Rose took the money and handed out the change. Aranea snatched it away quickly and threw the remaining coins back into her purse. "I have every reason to be hostile to this stupid slut. She ruined my family."

By now Kanaya was openly crying, quietly letting her tears fall into her lap. Her breathing got heavier and her chanting got faster but still she didn't look up. Rose could see the damage done the girl who'd she'd already hurt this deeply and knew that she wouldn't stand for it. It was terrible enough of her to torment the poor girl but she didn't need Kanaya to be harassed by someone who knew very little about what actually happened.

"Maybe you should leave well enough alone, shut the hell up, and get out of my shop."

Serket looked taken aback. Her mouth opened to say something but when she couldn't think of a retort, it fell into a frown. She took her book and she held it tight to her chest before exiting. Once she was gone, Kanaya let out a long breath coupled with a loud sob. Rose abandoned her counter and came around and knelt in front of the chair Kanaya was sitting in. She didn't dare lift her eyes. She'd promised she'd never let Rose see her cry, no matter the circumstances.

"Hey, you alright?"

"I am just fine," she lied horribly. She heard Rose exhale in a soft giggle. Oddly enough, she found it comforting.

"Don't pay any attention to what she says, okay?"

"How can I not? She's right. I totally wrecked their family. Vriska would still be here if I hadn't kissed her. If I hadn't, my mother wouldn't have seen and convinced Vriska's mother to send her away. I do this to everyone. I ruin everything."

"You do _not_ ruin everything. Kanaya, it wasn't your fault. Sure, you kissed her, but you were in love with her weren't you? People do crazy things when they're in love. And on top of that, it was your mother who convinced her mom to send her away. And it was her own mother's decision to send her away. Neither of them had to do that, you know? It was one kiss," Rose reached her hand up and took Kanaya's trembling one and held it in comfort. Kanaya could feel herself relaxing just a little bit. "And a kiss between two girls is perfectly fine. They didn't know what to do and they made bad choices. Not you."

"It is my fault. It was always my fault. That's why I got cured. Now I won't disappoint anyone."

"Kanaya," Rose said softly. Kanaya finally looked up to see Rose standing over her, her green eyes comforting and concerned. She looked beautiful in the light; her face was pale and her hair seemed near-white. Kanaya sighed and pushed the thought away. "Do you really believe that?"

"I-" she started but found that she couldn't answer. Rose was so close. Their faces were inches apart. Kanaya could feel the shift in the atmosphere. Rose was going to kiss Kanaya before she could say anything. _Be a good girl, Kanaya_, she said to herself. But it was useless because Kanaya found herself closing her eyes. Rose bent her head and lowered her lips and then-

"Kanaya, we are leaving now."

Both girl's immediately stood up straight and turned to see the intimidating and most furious figure of Kanaya's mother. Dolorosa pursed her lips and stared daggers at her daughter. They knew she'd just gotten there or else their interaction would have been cut much shorter. Kanaya quickly adjusted her clothes and grabbed the project things they'd been working on.

"I'll see you tomorrow," she muttered to Rose, leaving the store as Lalonde stood dumbfound and a little regretful for hesitating.

The mother and daughter climbed into the front seats of their car. They buckled themselves in and they were off. It wouldn't take more than three minutes to get back to their home, so she knew all too well that Dolorosa wouldn't waste anytime scolding her.

"I thought we fixed this problem, Kanaya. You were being such a good girl."

"It is fixed, mother. I promise."

Dolorosa shook her head and sighed. "I'm very disappointed. Perhaps we should send you away again?"

"No, mother, please," Kanaya pleaded as calmly as she could. She was still shaken up from her incident with Aranea. She suddenly felt guilty that she hadn't even gotten to thank Rose for sticking up for her. Now she might get the chance. "I was upset and we were both caught in the moment. I promise I'm cured. I promise!"

Her mother remained emotionless as they pulled into the driveway. "I don't like that girl, darling. I don't want you alone with her. _Ever_."

"Yes, mother."

Kanaya was about to get out of the car and sprint into the church and up to the loft when her mother caught her arm. Her mother looked as if she were struggling to believe the lies her daughter fed to her. She wanted to, Kanaya could tell, but her beliefs would always be more important than Kanaya or her sister. She snarled at her daughter. "Your father would be disappointed."


	10. Chapter 10

_**Author's Note:** _I made a lot of mistakes this chapter and two have already been pointed out and corrected. If you see any more, tell me here or PM me and I'll fix the error.

**Ten**

"Are you coming over tonight or what?" Karkat asked impatiently, tapping his foot as they ate their lunch. She'd been dodging the question all week. She'd been too concerned with Rose the week before - the stunt she pulled and then her sudden attitude switch - and this week she'd spent even more time with Lalonde. It wasn't anything too exclusive; they stayed after-school to get head starts on their new English project, but making sure that Kanaya got out in time so that her mother was none the wiser.

Rose didn't realize this was the reason, however, but Kanaya didn't mind too much if it were kept in the dark. She honestly didn't understand what her mother had acted so boldly about. Sure, they'd been found in a slightly compromising position but it wasn't as if Kanaya would have ever acted. She didn't even like Rose in that manner. She has hurt her terribly and she was snooty and spoke with a poisoned tongue. The only reason she could even stand to be around her now was because Kanaya admired her English abilities as well as her work ethic and literature choices. And she was a girl, after all, and Kanaya had become straight over the summer.

"I don't know, Karkat," she stumbled around his question. She knew that if she did not only would she have to face the various questions her best friend had about Rose, but she'd also have to cancel for Rose's and her's study session after school. She'd walk home with Karkat and stay there well into the night; it was a Friday evening after all.

"Just give me a damn answer, Maryam," Karkat grumbled. "I swear to God you fuss over everything. Yes or no! I don't see the difficulty-"

"Yes, Karkat," Kanaya laughed at her ranting lunatic of a friend. "I'm coming over. It's been so long since we've actually done anything together."

"Exactly! Thank you! What should we do? Watch a movie?" Karkat then lead her into a series of questions about the movie and what kind of drinks and which brand of popcorn. The discussion spanned all of lunch and the two teased each other throughout; especially after Terezi felt ignored enough to lick the length of Karkat's nose to bring the attention back to the rest of the groups. He was not pleased - externally - but Kanaya knew his true feelings for the color-blind girl.

It wasn't until after lunch that Kanaya finally saw Rose in the locker room before gym class. The first thing that she did was smile and ask her what they planned to accomplish after school that afternoon.

"I can't make it," she said with a blush. She felt both embarrassed and guilty that she'd made plans at the last minute. "I made some last minute plans. I'm so sorry!"

"No, it's fine," Rose blushed too and looked down at her shoes. "We will just continue on Monday."

Kanaya could see how Rose felt left out. She could sort of gage how Rose might feel left out; she is an only child aside from a ex-step brother from a marriage her mother divorced out of long ago and her mother was mostly never home. It wouldn't surprise her one bit if Rose looked forward to their sessions just for the sake of interacting with someone or delaying her return to an empty house. "Well, what are you doing after school? Perhaps you could join us."

"No, I couldn't possibly do that. I don't want to be a third wheel."

"You won't be. Besides, I'm sure his brother will be around somewhere. He always finds himself engrossed in our films. Not only that but I believe Terezi is coming over a little later. Think of it as being early to a party rather than being an add-on." Kanaya could feel herself rambling and she could feel heat in her cheeks. Why was she flushed? Why did it matter if Rose declined? Was she that guilty about ditching their plans or could it be something else? _Be a good girl, Kanaya_.

Rose half-smiled and half pursed her lips - if that combination were possible, that is - and looked Kanaya over for a moment before answering. "So, I'll look for you two after the last bell?"

"Sure thing."

The rest of the school day went by rather quickly. She'd told Karkat in gym class that Rose would be joining their movie night. He didn't seem thrilled but he didn't sound upset either, so she took it as a good sign. Kanaya could feel herself becoming more excited about this movie date after all. She knew that Karkat wouldn't tease her with Lalonde in the room. Plus, it calmed her guilt and provided her with the opportunity to truly become friends with Rose. Friends didn't do homework; friends did friend things like watch movies. Shortly after the last bell rang out over the PA system, Karkat met Kanaya at her locker.

"Are you ready or what?" He grumbled. He was quite a sight these days. Kanaya took more and more notice of how much taller she was than him. His grumpiness painted him as a displeased child and it was difficult to take him seriously sometimes. Before Kanaya could answer that they had to find Rose first, she showed up behind her. The three grabbed everything they needed and set out.

The trio walked in broken silence, someone speaking up every few minutes. Well, Rose and Karkat did, but Kanaya took the time to look around and breathe in the world as it changed all around her. It was now late September and the air had grown colder in the last few weeks. The sun shone less stronger than it had only a month ago, and the wind not only had a chill but also blew around a smell that welcomed the autumn months. The leaves on trees were just beginning to change and Kanaya couldn't wait to see them all in full array of their brilliant colors.

Before she knew it, the group had arrived at the walk-way to the Vantas home. Their father's car was gone - another long night at the office, Kanaya assumed - but Kankri seemed to be home. She was somewhat glad that Porrim either didn't know about the night or just opted not to attend; she really needed the down time with her friends. She had texted her mother during lunch and she'd even said it would be a good idea to spend some time with Vantas. The three went inside the home and unloaded their bags in Karkat's room and made their way back down to the common room.

Before anyone could suggest which movie to watch, Karkat piped up with particular excitement, "I vote we watch the _Five Year Engagement_. Congrats to me because it's my damn house."

So without argument, the movie was decided. Kindly, Kankri brought in a large bowl of popcorn and several sodas and set them on the table. Then, the three Juniors got comfortable. They sat on the couch, a girl on either side of Karkat - for he said that he didn't trust the two of them close together - and then he propped his legs up on the table and set the bowl in his lap. He also held the remote in one hand and his soda in the other and once again, Kanaya was reminded of a child. She couldn't help but smiled.

The movie began without a hitch and Kanaya had to admit that it was much better than she expected. Generally, Karkat picked out mediocre romantic comedies with unfunny jokes and lackluster romance. However, this movie was amusing with smart jokes and a romance that was easy to root for. Karkat enjoyed himself thoroughly, laughing at each joke and sometimes slapping Kanaya's shoulder with enjoyment. She would always laugh.

However, it became increasingly difficult for Kanaya to focus on the screen. During the movie, she shifted to become comfortable and found herself in a relaxed position where her feet and legs rested on the floor beneath Karkat's raised legs. Twenty minutes later, someone else's foot - Rose's - accidentally brushed against her. For awhile, neither moved their feet but left them awkwardly resting against another. But after a few minutes, Rose began to slowly brush her socked foot against Kanaya's, playing footsie with her. Kanaya did nothing to stop it however; she didn't move away and in fact, she began to copycat Rose's movements. The action made her chant her mantra trying to find it in herself to stop flirting with her but it was harmless and she couldn't bring herself to do it. The simple action even caused her to grin wider than she had in awhile, and when she looked over, Rose shared a similar smile.

The movie ended well after nightfall and the first thing that Karkat did when the credits began to roll was leap off the couch and rush for the bathroom; he'd drank his own soda and half of Kanaya's and hadn't moved once during the film. Kanaya and Rose separated their feet but looked at one another and neither could contain their blush. Kanaya found herself questioning her sanity; here was the girl who had prosecuted her about her sexuality [i]and[/i] called her out in front of the student body and deemed her a lesbian. And yet all she could see was Rose's desire to be liked, to be respected, and her need for a friend. And how compassionate she could be about things she enjoyed. And how pretty her blond hair was. And how she bit her lip just slightly when she was focused on her assignments. And, also, the way she-

Before her thoughts could continue racing through her head like the fighter jets that they seemed to be, her brain was silenced with the impulsiveness of soft lips and the taste of lipstick on her own lips. She gasped into the kiss but closed her eyes nonetheless just to enjoy it for a moment, only to pull away abruptly seconds after. Rose slowly sat up straight and Kanaya watched as horror filled her soft green eyes.

"Kanaya, I am so sorry. I swear to God! It was impulse and I shouldn't have acted!"

Kanaya just shut her eyes tight and fought the strange sensation of forming tears. Why was she crying? _Be a good girl, Kanaya_. Nothing. The tears still came. "Can we just stop talking about it for a minute? I can't even think."

She was as truthful as she could be. Minutes before, her thoughts had been racing as if they were fighting to be thought first. Now they just floated around as if her brain were a swimming pool; each thought just flowed slowly into the next, one thing intangible from another, which left her feeling desperate and confused. She couldn't even mind it in herself to force the mantra into her brain. She had so many questions, though. Why? Why did she get kissed? Why did Rose kiss her? Why did she like it? She was straight. Was she straight? Why would she doubt this? It was a simple kiss, right?

"Kanaya, I am so sorry."

"I don't get it."

"What? Kanaya, please listen to me!"

"I don't get you!" Kanaya shouted the best she could under her breath. She clutched a cold hand to her temple. _Think_. She couldn't. She stood and grabbed her book-bag. She had to get out of there. She couldn't sit still any longer. She wiped away tears. "I'll see you Monday. I'm sorry. I just can't think straight right now, Rose. I don't get this. I'm sorry."

As she rambled, she made for the door. Behind her she heard Karkat come down stairs to yell, "What the fuck did you do to her?!" But she didn't stick around. She'd explain to him tomorrow. He wouldn't hurt Rose. She knew it. She'd be fine. But right now Kanaya needed to be alone. _Why can't I think straight?_ It wasn't until she was almost home that one rational thought could be pushed through her slowly moving train of thought. It sped down the tracks like a bullet.

_Be a good girl, Kanaya_.


	11. Chapter 11

**_Author's_**_** Note**__:_ I apologize for this chapter; the length, the time it took update, and the content; all of it.

**Eleven**

"Porrim?" Kanaya ventured into her sister's room. It was late Saturday night, or possibly very early Sunday morning; she couldn't be sure. Her mind had been racing since Friday evening and she couldn't seem to slow down her thoughts. Everything outside of herself moved past her in a blur, never allowing her to focus on anything but the moment when Rose kissed her. Porrim was awake but in a state of obvious tiredness. She sat with her back against the wall and her laptop in her lap. For a second she didn't say anything and just looked at Kanaya. She could sense that something was off in her sister.

"Are you okay, Kan?"

Kanaya didn't say anything. She didn't know. She felt okay, kind of, but she also felt as if a black hole was tearing away at her heart. Why couldn't she pin down her feelings? She was normally really great about sorting out her issues on her own.

"You can talk to me," Porrim whispered, inviting the younger Maryam sister into the dim room. Kanaya and her sister had always gotten along fine growing up, only with minimal arguments and fights. As they got older, they branched out in different directions and became different kinds of people. Still, since she'd come home from Straight Camp, it was obvious to see that Porrim was trying harder to understand her little sister and be there for her. Perhaps that came from guilt about leaving for college at the end of this summer. Perhaps it came from just wanting to know the other better. Despite the reasoning, Kanaya had never felt closer to her sister than she did right in that moment.

"Porrim, I think I really am a lesbian," she whispered in a quavering voice.

Nothing was said for a long time. Kanaya trudged into the space and crawled onto the bed. Right away, Porrim clutched her to her chest and held her tight. She was a beacon of hope and comfort that Kanaya hadn't been able to see in quite some time. Had she really just come out to her sister so easily? And had Porrim really embraced her for it? Were things really as horrible as they seemed to be? She supposed, just for a moment, that not everyone was the person she thought them to be.

"Kanaya, it's okay. I always kind of knew," she giggled and kissed the younger girl's temple. "Oh, it's okay, it's okay. You don't have to devote your life to impressing her."

Kanaya looked down at her hands. She curled her fingers in and then unfurled them, again and again, all to avoid the topic. She was breathing heavy. She was still in slight shock that Porrim had accepted her with open arms. She hadn't expected her to oppose the idea, but she was expecting something a little more... dramatic?

"This isn't just about Mom, is it?" Porrim wondered aloud. "Is this about that Rose girl?"

"She kissed me on Friday," Kanaya mumbled. Porrim thought for a moment, all the while running her fingers through Kanaya's hair. The younger Maryam could already feeling herself loosen up a bit. It was good to talk about things once in awhile. "It was nice, I guess. It made confirm that I don't actually like boys. That maybe this Straight Camp thing was utter bullshit, just like Rose said... And yet, I still feel like I'm missing something. I'm so confused." She put her head in her hands and sighed.

"Hey, shhh, it's going to be okay. Are you confused on whether you want a relationship right now? You are going through a tough patch with all this self-discovery, after all."

"I don't think that's it. I genuinely enjoy Rose's company. She'd been a nuisance at first, but I've come to know her. And I wouldn't mind having someone helping me shoulder some of the weight I'm carrying," Kanaya said thoughtfully, more to herself than her sister.

"Is there someone else? And you can't let yourself hurt Rose because of that person?" Porrim gazed into her eyes and gave her an affectionate pat on the head. Kanaya nodded.

"Just maybe," she murmured as thoughts of after school card games and blue lipstick clouded her mind. She thought of dice and dramatic speeches. She thought of bad attitudes and a smoker's cough. She thought of nicotine kisses and scars on wrists where cigarettes had been put out. She breathed deep and thought of all that was her old flame, Vriska Serket.

Porrim smiled and kissed Kanaya's forehead once more. "I'm glad that you're figuring this all out for yourself, but it is three in the morning. I'm getting sleepy."

Kanaya moved her head and smiled half-heartedly in return. She wished that their talk hadn't been so brief. Perhaps she should have waited until the next day to get better perspective on the situation. Then again, she'd see Rose tomorrow before she'd have any actual time to discuss her issues with Porrim, so it was good that she got in what little time that she did.

_Be a good girl, Kanaya_, she told herself, but it sounded different in her head. The words didn't seem to be a reminder of the soul crushing guilt she felt for liking girls when all her mother asked of her was to be straight. She didn't feel like as much of a disappointment as she thought she was. She grinned to herself.

"Good night," they told each other. Kanaya ventured back to her own chambers and for the first time that weekend, she slept well.

The following morning, Karkat met her at the front doors of the school and walked her to her locker. She felt very different today, and judging by Karkat's expression, he could tell too. She walked taller and her eyes shined green with beauty; a confident look never before seen on her, always worn by her older sister. But today the confidence was all her own. She didn't know everything, but a relieving chat with Porrim and a good night's rest had refreshed her brain.

"Karkat," she breathed once they were at her locker. She placed her hands on his shoulders and looked him in his amber eyes. "I am a lesbian."

Karkat just raised an eyebrow and gave her a look that said; _I know that. Everyone does._ "Join the club."

"There's a club for lesbians?" Kanaya asked in legitimate confusion.

"What? No! Well, I don't actually know... I meant the _'m Being Myself_ club. Kanaya, I knew you were a lesbian since probably seventh grade when I thought I caught you checking out Vriska. And then you kissed her, you went to Straight Camp, Rose kissed you - thanks for leaving me with her on Friday, by the way - and now we're here. Tada. Lesbo."

Kanaya felt as if she should be offended by all of that but she wasn't. That's just how Karkat was. Besides with his pessimistic attitude and his short stature, it was hard to take anything he said or did seriously. Either way, he was her best friend and she knew that he'd always look out for her. No matter what.

"I'm sorry for storming out on you. What happened after I left?"

"Not a whole hell of a lot, I can tell you that. I started yelling at Rose and then she stormed off too, crying about how she messes everything up and that no one wants to be around her."

She suddenly felt guilty. She shouldn't have run away from Rose. The circumstances were less than logical at the time, but she should have stayed and set boundaries or something. She had run away and left her all alone, just like her mother always did. She was no better than the drunk maternal figure that Rose often openly despised. She sighed and rebuilt her confidence. What was done was done. She really did need the time to herself.

The friends parted ways and went about their day. The sun seemed to shine brighter, time seemed to go faster, and people even seemed nicer than normal. Kanaya felt good enough to explore outside her comfort zone - just barely - and strike up small talk with people she normally gave the cold shoulder to or vice versa. And when she saw Rose, she smiled and waved at the blond girl.

"Listen, Rose," she said calmly. "I forgive you for Friday. And I thank you. It took that for me to realize some things about myself," she dropped her voice to a whisper so that her classmates wouldn't hear, "I like you Rose Lalonde. More than I should, and I'm okay with that. But for now, until I figure some stuff out in my life, I need to be just your friend. Can we forget it happened?"

Rose looked eager and smirked brightly. "I still get to be your friend?"

"Well, of course," Kanaya laughed. It was rare. She didn't genuinely laugh that often. Rose found it strange and beautiful all at once.

"Then, yes, we may forget about it."


	12. Chapter 12

**_Author's_**_** Note**:_ So, I did _try_ to write a lengthier chapter. I had planned on making this one a bit longer but things just didn't go my way, y'know? But I do keep all of my readers in mind while writing, so I know that a lot of you want longer chapters! Sorry that mine are usually so short! And to **Wrath of the Nerds**; I really like getting your feedback but I think you overstepped a line. I really like the VrisKan ship, and I realize that this is _RoseMary_ story and not a VrisKan story, but it's adding depth to the story. I like it and I guess that's what matters. Try not to be too mad at Vriska parts! She should only play a major role for a little while longer!

**Twelve**

Rose picked at her nails the way Vriska did. Always the thumb first and for an extended amount of time. However, Rose picked in habit or when she was in thought, but Vriska picked when she was upset or guilty. Off the top of her head, Kanaya could remember dozen of times where Vriska stared off with a forlorn expression and just picked away at her thumbnail.

_Vriska grinned like the thief she was when she presented the entire plate of brownies to Kanaya. The eight-year-old Serket smiled, her front teeth missing and her eyes gleaming with pride. She and Kanaya took the plate and ran to the backyard of the Serket home and swiftly climbed up into the treehouse. They ate their treats happily._

_"Your mother just gave you these for us to eat?! My mother never lets me have sweets!" Kanaya explained in awe. Vriska puffed out her chest in triumph and lied through her missing teeth._

_"Yeahhhhhhhh! She just handed them to me and told me they were for us to eat!"_

_"That is so awesome!" Kanaya exclaimed. The two resumed eating for awhile until they heard the fierce shouting of a mother scorned. From the window of the treehouse they watched Vriska's mother march into the yard with her combat boots on._

_"Girls! Get down here! Now!"_

_The duo lingered for a moment; Kanaya looked at Vriska in confusion while the other girl sat cross-legged and staring down at her hands, one thumb picking at the other. She knew exactly what she'd done, though Kanaya had no clue whatsoever._

_"What's the matter, Vriska?"_

_Vriska didn't say anything. She made a_ hrmph_ noise before crawling toward the ladder. She went down first and Maryam followed. The Serket mother seemed very angry. Her blue eyes were narrowed in accusation of the girls and her lips were pursed. She had her hands on her hips and if a glare could kill, the two young lasses would be six feet under._

_"You took the plate of brownies, didn't you? I know it wasn't Aranea. She was with me the whole time," Vriska's mother accused further. Still, Vriska remained silent. Her brows furrowed and she stared hard at her own feet, her thumb picking at the other all the while, and she fought tears. Vriska was always so bold and brave and was never at a loss for words; or so Kanaya had always seen her that way. To see her so scared and sad made Kanaya's heart ache. There was absolutely no denying that Vriska had stolen the brownies now, and they couldn't hide it from her mother. Their teeth and fingers were covered in chocolate. "Which one of you took them?" She commanded, though she wholeheartedly knew it was her daughter's doing._

_"I did, Mrs. Serket," Kanaya lied. She looked up into her bright blue eyes and tried to look as innocent as possible, which wasn't hard for the naive Maryam child. Vriska turned her head as fast as she could with wondering eyes. Kanaya lowered her head. "I'm so sorry! They looked so good, that's all!"_

_"I- Uh," Mrs. Serket stopped dead in her tracks. She was well aware that the young green-eyed girl was fibbing. But she had never seen Vriska have such a friendship, nothing where she didn't boss the other kids around. She liked it. In a way, it was adorable, and so much so that it was nearly impossible to be mad. "It's okay sweetie. Just ask next time, okay? Do you girls want to help me bake another batch?"_

_"Bluh!" Vriska screamed in disgust. "Baking is booooooooring! I want to have an adventure with Kanaya!"_

_Kanaya glanced back at Vriska's mother. The woman shook her head with a content smile. "You girls go have fun."_

_And they did._[/i]

"Are you okay, Kanaya? You're looking at me weird," Rose raised an eyebrow and dropped her thumb. She then picked up her pencil and continued writing notes from the section that they had to read for their literature class. Kanaya nearly blushed.

"Yes, I apologize. You just reminded me of someone, that's all."

"May I be enlightened as to who?" Rose giggled.

"It's nothing, really," Kanaya said quietly. "Just someone I used to be close with."

Though Kanaya didn't realize it, Rose knew _exactly_ who she was referring to. Her heart sank as she envisioned the girl she liked wrapped in the arms of Vriska Serket who had been nothing but mean to her all throughout her days here. But on the other hand, she thought of Kanaya smiling against the other girl's lips, so in love and so happy. It hurt her, but she wanted that for Kanaya. She wished that the girl could have closure or something so that she could move on to other girls, girls that would make her happy; Rose Lalonde, namely.

Kanaya recognized the look on Rose's face. It was a face she'd seen upon herself all too often. It was the slate face of the emotionally robbed and the innocent eyes that had known the tears of heart ache. It was the expression of one who loved someone deeply but was never loved back. She remembered feeling that way from Vriska's big crush on John Egbert in the eighth grade. _Be a good girl, Kanaya_, she told herself more out of habit than for effect as she tried to forget those days. But she couldn't.

_"He's soooooooo cute, Kanaya! He's nerdy but he's actually kind of cool sometimes. And he appreciates the works of Nic Cage just like I do!"_

_"That's really great," Kanaya cooed and tried to giggle, but it was soft and sad and lonely. She hated that name._ John Egbert this, John Egbert that; John Egbert is so cute!_ She loathed it. She wanted her to say those things about her. She didn't care if that made her a lesbian; she would be the happiest girl in the world. She loved Vriska Serket and she knew it without a doubt._

_"Do you like any boys, Kan?" Vriska teased and turned on her stomach. They sat in Vriska bedroom with Kanaya's back against the end of the bed and Vriska laying on it, facing the same direction. Vriska's room always made Kanaya smile. The walls were painted a bright blue with tiny spiders lining the walls from when she'd been obsessed with Halloween and spiders. Everything was blue; blue sheets, blue dresser, and blue walls._

_"Uh, yeah; Karkat Vantas," Kanaya lied with a blush. For awhile now, the two had grown closer and closer as friends while Kanaya grew more and more infatuated with Vriska. She trusted Karkat a lot. He was bold and rude like Vriska, but he was willing to listen if you needed it and he wasn't always on the go. She liked that he had the same qualities with more of a laid back demeanor._

_"That foul-mouthed joke? Ha!" Vriska laughed coldly, but when she glanced at the sad faced Kanaya, she felt bad. She bit her lip and picked at her thumb. Little did she know, Kanaya was not upset by her insulting Karkat. "He's kind of cute, I guess."_

_"You and John would be good for each other," Kanaya whispered suddenly, changing the subject. "He's just what you need. Someone nice and fun and active, but also ready to protect you."_

_"I don't need anyone to protect me," Vriska bragged. Kanaya looked her over. She'd sat up within the last minute or so, allowing Kanaya to gather her all in one glance. She was a tall, thin girl who had plenty of muscle on her body, enough so that she was stronger than most boys in their grade. Her hair was silky black and hung all down around her, often in a messy demeanor but she never really cared too much. She wore a tank top and short shorts, showing off her sunkissed skin. She beamed at Kanaya with a toothy grin and she longed for the old days when those teeth were missing._

_"I know," agreed Kanaya._

The duo worked diligently without too much chatter for the next hour or so. Kanaya liked the way that Rose worked. She was quiet and efficient, but also very creative and intelligent with everything that she did. With every answer that Kanaya put, Rose wrote down something vastly different that Kanaya hadn't even realized in the first place. On top of that, she was beautiful. Kanaya adored the way her blond hair hung down to her chin and she liked the headband that was always in her hair. And the black lipstick. Kanaya had a _huge_ thing for black lipstick.

"Do I still remind you of that person?"

"What?" Kanaya asked in confusion.

"You keep staring at me. Why?" Rose raised an eyebrow coyly.

"I just... I, uh."

"You, _uh_, what?" Rose giggled, mocking Kanaya ever so slightly.

"I think you look good today," Kanaya forced out. Rose's eyes widened and she couldn't find anything to say. She tried several times to say something but ended up shutting her mouth as a result. Kanaya felt her own lips quiver and she had the sudden urge to kiss the other girl. To let her know how much she actually liked her. But she wanted to sort out her lingering feelings for Vriska and finally be okay with herself. She couldn't hurt Rose. Not like the way she hurt Vriska.

_Chilled April air commanded the evening as the iconic Serket-Maryam pair walked through the streets of Meteor Hills. They'd been to a party and Vriska had dragged Kanaya along on a double-date; Vriska with Eridan Ampora and Kanaya with Sollux Captor. The date had been really unsuccessful and boring for the both of them and they made excuses to leave early; which would make Dolorosa very happy as she was opposed to the idea in the first place._

_"That skunk was awful," Vriska laughed._

_"He was really fully of himself. It should have been a great match," Kanaya teased._

_"Oh shut up," Vriska hissed. "How was Sollux? I've never really talked to him before."_

_"Two-deminsional. All he did was complain about his headache all night. I even offered him some tylenol but he wouldn't take it."_

_"Sounds like a drone," the taller girl said. Kanaya only nodded in response. As they walked, she could feel Vriska's eyes wandering over her. She felt the blood rush to her face and she couldn't remember feeling this flushed in quite some time. She heard Vriska take a deep sigh. "Things would be easier if it were just us forever, you know? Like just be best friends ever. You're pretty much what I'd want from a boyfriend, but you're my best friend."_

_"Vriska, I-" Kanaya turned on her heel and stopped in front of her friend. They were just a few feet away from the church where Kanaya lived, but all the lights were out. Porrim must be out and her mother must be asleep. She turned her head up towards Vriska and looked her in the eyes. They were a crystalline blue and her skin was milky and flawless._

_"Kanaya, I know."_

_"You know what?"_

_Vriska raised one corner of her mouth in a smile. "I'm not an idiot. I can tell when someone has the hots for me."_

_Kanaya suddenly felt ashamed. Heat rushed all over body. Was she really that obvious? Why didn't Vriska say anything? We was she still her friend? Why didn't she hate Kanaya? Kanaya whimpered and swallowed hard. She was scared and nervous and she was weak in the knees. She honestly thought she might faint, but she decided to do what Vriska would in a situation like this; go for it and don't look back. She sprang up on her tiptoes and crushed her lips against Vriska's._

_For a terrifying moment, there was nothing at all but two girls touching lips in the colder air. It wasn't until Kanaya began to lose her balance on her tiptoes that Vriska grabbed her by the waist and held her in place. Kanaya pressed on and Vriska let her. Her lips were cold but soft and they tasted like the blueberry lipgloss she loved she much. The taller girl held her tight, their bodies closer than they'd ever been before, or perhaps it only seemed that way._

_"Kanaya!? What in the_ world _do you think you're doing?!" called a shrewd voice from the top floor of the church._

_The rest is history._

Rose put her hands on Kanaya's shoulders and whispered calming phrases to her. She couldn't remember what had happened for a moment. All she knew was that she was almost in tears and that she couldn't speak. Then she remembered; nothing happened. She was crying because she _wanted_ something to happen. But she knew that unless she looked inside herself, all she'd do is hurt Rose.

"It's okay, Kanaya," Rose whispered as she held her. "It's really okay."

"It's not okay! It's not!" Maryam sobbed, breaking down in the other girl's caring arms. They were so soft but they held her so close. She wished that she could be held like this all the time. "I like you. I like you so much, Rose. I know things were hard at first, but I've come to know and like you."

"Everyone feels differently. I know that you want to sort things out. I just want you to be happy," Rose assured her. This only made Kanaya feel worse. Rose was always sacrificing herself for the sake of others. Her mother, other kids, and now Kanaya. She was hurting her by not doing anything either.

"I want to move on, I really do. I want to move on with you," Kanaya admitted amidst her crying. Rose smiled onto her shoulder as she came to rest her head upon it. She hugged her even higher now. Kanaya could feel the security and warmth flowing through her as if it were a chemical in her blood.

"Give it time," Rose whispered happily and kissed the nape of Kanaya's neck. Kanaya couldn't help but shiver. She began to smile softly and wiped her tears with the back of her hand. "I'm more than happy waiting for you."


End file.
